bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
