I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
