The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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