i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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