My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
Randomize
