I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Helping a hot freshman girl move in = 2 hours of my life One bottle of cheap vodkas = $10 Watching her do the walk a shame on her first morning away from home = Priceless
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
When the cops come you probably shouldn't be poking cars with a stick.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
Randomize