Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
