He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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