Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
Randomize
