i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
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