it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
Imagine Arby's curly fries spiraled around a dick
I FEEL LIKE HILARY MUST FEEL WHEN TRUMP MANSPLAINS AT HER
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize