I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
