I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
well I mean we knew we had more drinkers than runners, so we had a "case race for the cure" for relay for life instead of an actual marathon. day drinking and philanthropy. can't go wrong.
Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
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