then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
Randomize
