Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
i have now learned nap means the same thing as sex in college
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
