those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
