So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
