I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
Well the weed wore off around 10:30 and then the date dragged on until about 1 in the morning. So I've decided I really need to start smoking closer to the actual start time of a date. Then maybe they'd be more bearable.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Randomize
