put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
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I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
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You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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