A big part of growing up is learning how to tastefully stare at women
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
