im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
