PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
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