I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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