I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
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