omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
I remember yelling at him telling him that the strippers were "nice people."
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
Randomize
