it wasn't lemon gatorade
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
only if we run a train.
done.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
