Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
