My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
