I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
