so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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