It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
Nicole vs. Life
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
My vagina just clenched in fear
Randomize
