He is such a slut. More and more my type.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
