glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
