I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
Randomize
