Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He ended up buying the equivalent of dinner at a Mexican place, in weed
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
