Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Randomize
