So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
