How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
After last night, I could never be a politician.
that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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