Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Just paid for that girls abortion on my dad's black card. I feel like P-Diddy.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Fuckin' raining men in my bedroom while I'm trying to drunk eat a rather large portion of pasta. Like shoo I already picked who I'm sleeping with. Pasta wins.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize