He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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