HOLY SHIT! Did you see the dick on that Great White Shark?!?!?!
For some reason fuck navy didn't go over quite as well as say fuck michigan;
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
i know i should keep better track of the things that i put in your vagina but i've put so many things in there it's hard to keep track
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
There is a drunken, assless white chick here at this bar wearing a shirt that says "REAL WOMEN TWERK FOR JESUS". I have officially had it with our generation.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
