My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Oh this totally just became legit. My "boss" is puking outside my car right now. I win again.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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