Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
And then the night went full on bisexual.
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
