I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
