that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
Randomize
