just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
mom just texted me "hawaii ambien". those are like the two things she talks about to keep me interested in spending time with her.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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