im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
