He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
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