remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize
