new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Randomize
