I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
