lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
