Would you object to my putting the bidet video on my Facebook page? It;s awesome.
You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
I'm passing your future prison.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
Is a wave an appropriate goodbye when your one night stand wakes up and walks out towards the door while you are looking through the garbage for the evidence of a condom?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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