my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
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i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
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It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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