i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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