god i wish i could take a shit and a shower at the same time
Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
There a special place in hell for drunk criers. A special FUCKING PLACE
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Randomize
