I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
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