im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
of course we called 911. an innocent mans booze was at steak
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we gonna talk about that cunnilingus snap
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
....even the bartender was embarrassed for her
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