marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
She needs sedatives and a leash
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
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