He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
You need Xanax blowdarts
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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