He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
