I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
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Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
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She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
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