I wish you could order shots online.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
One day i'll wow you with artfully trimmed pubes.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Randomize
