On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
tonight lets celebrate not being married
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
well this is gonna sound really bad but we were fooling around on sandra's electrical wheelchair
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
