I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
Randomize
