You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
Randomize
