'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
it'll be like the notebook except for with way more of my penis
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Why did my mother make you get naked?
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
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