I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
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