I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
did anyone else see me puking into my coat sleeve?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
