8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
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