i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
You smell like stripper and shame
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Randomize
