smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
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