ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
He suggested abortion before I finished the sentence. That was my plan too, but now I feel like should keep it just to prove how big of a dick he is.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
