The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
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