Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
