just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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