just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
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