very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We're too hungover to prance.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
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