Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
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