How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
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