What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
Pride log, day two. Noticing more bruises and scrapes. Liver functions probably very lowered.
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
