We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Randomize
