Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
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