this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
