nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
Randomize
